Ducks in Trees

The Ducks have been thoroughly enjoying the celebration of Mexico’s independence. Lots of Mexican food has been prepared, and since Mexican is a personal favorite of the ducks, they have been running rampant. Diving into piles of beans and cheese followed by quick flight! What a joyous holiday! Unfortunately, the wild behaviour has resulted in many a tree being felled. many pungent mexican odors have wilted the leaves and caused the bases of the trunks to weaken. Punch drunk ducks have taken advantage of this weakness by destroying the base of the trees and enjoying the wild smatter of wood works, the duck equivilent of fire works.

Fiestas of this kind are expected to continue long into the night, and you are sure to find one of said fiestas anywhere within a ten mile radius of Mexican food. Happy Cinco de Mayo from the Ducks!

The ducks are apologizing for their lack of activity. They blame it on the scarcity of good food. Apparently they’ve been running around trying to find sustanance, too busy to make news.

 
Christmas is a holiday the ducks love. Nothing is more exciting that decorating the trees before the big snow. The ducklings get excited to make their home the prettiest in the forest. Some ducks use lights and beautiful garlands while others like to be more old-fashioned and use strings of cranberries and puffcorn. However in recent years, it is hard to keep cranberry and puffcorn garlands to last…… which was better than forgetting to remove the edible garlands leading to rot and a horrible smell which attracts rogue ducks.

Decorating is exciting for the ducks especially when inclimate weather arises. The more storms that brew and pass through the forest around Christmas increases the amount of times a tree can be decorated. If they are unsatisfied with one decoration scheme, a storm may sweep through take out the forest and the search begins for a new tree to live. Once found, the decorating process begins again.

Christmas feasts also excite ducks and their ducklings to no end. Food that is enjoyed once a year really excites the ducks. From the Christmas cookies and candies, to Hors D’oeuvres and the Christmas ham the ducks just go wild. Another favorite activity at Christmas time for the ducks is the Christmas movie specials. Favorites include “Frosty the Snow Duck,” Rudolph the Red Nose Wild Duck,” and even “Merry Christmas Charlie Ducksworth.” Ducks also like to sing Christmas carols such as “Up on the Tree Top” and ”Grandma Got Run Over By A Wild Duck.”

Finally ducks love snow. Making snowducks and duck angels along with snowball fights are a past time for ducklings. When part of a forest is cleared, the ducks even have a chance to go sledding. Dangerous in the forest, but the logging industry has increased areas for sledding. And when it is all said and done, the ducks collapse in sheer exhaustion from all the Christmas fun. It can take days for the ducks to recover from all the festivities and return to their normal activities. The leaves the forest quite, safe and able to prosper….

Currently the ducks are frantically finishing their tree decorating…. A blizzard warning is in effect and moving quickly towards the forest……

In a historic gesture, Ranger R announced today that ducks have been sighted in the forest under her care.  “I first started noticing the change last week, while I was recovering from a bad case of the stomach flu.  I heard something like quacking coming from the forest.  I was on sick leave at the time, so I couldn’t investigate.”

Once the ranger’s sick time was exhausted, she returned to her duties to find that ducks had indeed taken up residence in her forest. While R cannot account for the time she was gone from work, she suspects that the ducks took the opportunity afforded by her sickness to set up their homes.  “I have never seen nor heard any sign of ducks within this forest.  I am just as astonished as you at this latest development.”  The last confirmed duck sighting in this vicinity occurred approximately 12 years ago.

A source who would like to remain anonymous says, “I’m glad the ranger has finally admitted to the presence of ducks in her forest.  We’ve long suspected her assertion that her forest was duck-free. “  Another source states that Ranger R regularly ridicules Nebraska officials for denying the presence of mountain lions in Nebraska, despite frequent stories of mountain lion sightings; “but R does the same thing with those darn ducks.”

Currently, the ducks are rejoicing in their “official” status.

Ya know, at first you wouldn’t say the ducks are the type to traverse Rock Concerts, but you’d be surprised. Ducks love the junk food, the occasional alcoholic beverage, the sights and smells. They thoroughly enjoy the chance to run around in between people’s legs and squawk as loud as they can. Why? You way ask? Well, the explanation is simple, Rock concerts are loud. Ducks are loud. They can just sneaky sneak around, and no one will notice. Even if they haven’t taken a bath in a while, and they smell putrid, they can’t be found because the smell of trashy food, sweaty bodies, and axe body spray overpowers their nutty woodsy smell. Occasionally the smells of illicit/alcoholic drugs/beverages also overpowers their smell. Oddly enough, ducks thoroughly enjoy the occasional rave party. Drunk and High people tend to be best friends with Ducks. Scientists suspect that it has to do with their lack of judgment and awareness at the time. Needless to say, when the guitars are blazing loudly, the ducks are singing their own version of their song.

Currently the ducks are singing “Down with the Sickness” At a Disturbed concert.

In the hallowed halls of Lily County Memorial Hopsital, we find Dr. Robert Duck in his element. Today we will follow Dr. Duck in a typical day at the hospital.

6:00 AM – start of Dr. Duck’s day. As a surgeon he starts his day in the OR. Speciality gastroenterology. Surgery today includes 2 bowel resections.

11:00 PM – Rounds on Dr. Duck’s pts on the surgical floor. Mrs. Deadly is being discharged after gallbladder surgery. Mr. Ripster is still NPO after bowel resection, post op day 2. Dr. Duck is hoping for improvement and movement to allow a hungry Mr. Ripster to start a liquid diet. Mr. Cheese post op day 5 bowel resection ,celebrated with the nurses, the ducks visited him this morning. Dr. Duck ordered food. 

The nurses on the surgery floor love having the ducks visit. Their visits bring about positive results and assured healing in their patients. They were all excited when Dr. Duck was hired and brought his family along to help encourage patients and speed along recovery and hospital stays. Without the ducks, recovery takes quite a bit longer and can lead to serious medical complications.

2:00 PM Dr. Duck heads to the office for clinic. His is a very busy doc, seeing close to 30 patients, surgery consults, follow-up visits, acute visits. Mrs. Bark (a frequent flyer) is in again today due to upset stomach. Dr. Duck yet again explains the restricted diet to combat her issues. Mr. Flutter has cancer, time for surgery. Mrs. Thunder is in for follow-up. Dr. Duck is happy with her progress, but thinks she will benefit from home health care provided his cousins, Toostie and Arana.

5:00 PM Dr. Duck ends his long day. It is time to head home to his family after once last stop into the hospital to tie up loose ends and check on the progress made today.

Ducks are important in the hospital setting and should be recognized for their hard work, motivation, and necessary presence on the surgical floor.

Wow! What a sight!  I stared in numb horror at the statue marking the middle of the forest. The statue itself is nothing special. It’s more a landmark than anything. Barely noticed on most days. What makes today special? Someone has been up to mischief. The large, nondescript stump had been dressed up like a guest for a Halloween party. A bright pink hula skirt surrounded the base while, higher still, a baggy blue Hawaiian shirt hung in a messy drape. Worse still, the perpetrator had centered a garish jack-o-lantern on top of the stump. The over-bright smile was shadowed by garish red circles on plump cheeks. Thick, long fake lashes surrounded wide eyes. The crowning glory was the long blond wig that almost brushed the ground.

My mind spun as I stared at the sight. If I had to look at this thing for one more minute, I might just do something stupid. Like laugh. Or call out for my friends. Why would that be so wrong? We are currently in a massive game of hide and seek. It’s part of the training young ducks go through. Most of the time, it is a good thing to escape from humans undetected. Every few months, the elder ducks call a game of hide and seek. The flock is then compelled to go about their business as quietly as possible. The game goes until someone is detected by a human. This game had been going on for 3 days. It was almost record breaking, just 4 more hours to go to win. Unless someone succumbs to this temptation!

Knowing how weak I was, how close I was to losing the whole thing, I turned away with a shake of my head. The elders must really want to test our self control. That was the silliest thing I had ever seen. I was glad to have escaped without a sound made.

I barely was 20 steps away when I heard it. A young duck, honking and snorting in glee. Hmmm…I wonder who that is? I thought, and then decided to let loose and laugh too. Someone else already spilled the beans.

As you may(or may not) know, young ducks must go to school. from the moment they’re formed they’re thrust into a rigorous training session where they learn how to survive as a duck. They learn how to evacuate the forest, how to find food, how to build a tree house, etc. It doesn’t usually take that long for ducks to learn these skills because they are somewhat instinctual. Once ducklings have learned these skills they can choose either to fly the coop, or go on to specialty studies.

Like humans, Ducks don’t make a huge impact unless they go to college. They are mediocre at best at doing the things that their species values. High flying, far traveling, mess making, music, architecture, interior design, wood working, and the study of plant matter are few of the many college studies that ducks pursue. The cockiest ducks out there are those that study medicine. These ducks are boastful and proud! They do not bother to keep their racket down, they openly study for everyone to see. They like to yell when they’re talking about medicine, and when they’re partying with friends they’re usually the life of the party.  If you give them illegal substances(such as limburger cheese) they go CRAZY!!!! You don’t want to see it… or maybe you do…

Currently the PA ducks are sad because the illegal substances have been confiscated.

One thing that you really must watch out for when you’re traveling through the duck forest is litter. Make sure that you don’t accidentally drop something that a duck might take, ingest and GO CRAZY ON!!!

Namely soda. Ducks are highly reactive with soda pop. I might even go so far as to say that an unopened can of soda pop is one of the worst things for a duck. A duck will beat himself black and blue just to get the soda open. He will smash the top with his beak, which causes a very loud racket. then the bubbly liquid sprays all over the duck because the churning of the can has caused the soda to fizz. This causes even more racket. once the fizzing subsides the duck decides to take a soda bath, and dumps all the soda onto his back. This creates an odd, yet somewhat pleasant scent to emenate from the duck. however, if the duck gets angry at the soda for fizzing all over him, the duck will roll around in the mud and try to shove twigs into the can to make the fizzing stop. These actuons simply cause a chain of chemical reactions to take place. I am not going to go through the grizzly details, but, needless to say, an explosion is the end result. the smoke and flame is rather painful and smells horrid!

please do not feed the ducks soda pop.

the ducks are currently setting off a chain explosion!

You may have gotten the impression that ducks are lawless. That is not strictly true, there is one rule that must never be broken. In the northwest corner of the forest, there is a permanent no fly zone. A strict and gentle woman lives there. She is lady-like and genteel. While she would never mention the noise and smell associated with ducks flying over, ducks know that they must never fly over her house. They love her so much, they are unwilling to risk her displeasure. They dread seeing her nose scrunch and her lips purse. And since such a reaction would be inevitable were they to ever fly over, the senior ducks have decreed a no fly zone.

Currently, the ducks are avoiding the no fly zone.